If It Wasn't Me
by Blue Wolf2
Summary: Eames wasn't there when the club was busted. Now her worst nightmare has become a reality. Rating has been updated for language. WIP.
1. Chapter 1

**If It Wasn't Me  
**

"_And what would you have done if I hadn't burst through that door? If it wasn't me…you'd be **dead**."_

They came into the room like gang busters. Everyone turned towards the now broken door and those with guns pointed to kill. Bobby was ready to shout that he was a cop. Cover be damned. He didn't care. But before he could say anything someone fired. The next thing he knew he was falling to the ground, a bullet in his chest and blood seeping through his clothes. Everyone's voices started to get softer as he felt himself fading into darkness. Before he blacked out he mustered the strength to speak one word.

"Eames…"

--

"Eames," The voice of Captain Ross brought Eames out of her daydream and back to the bullpen. When she looked up at him he avoided eye contact and glanced down at his shoes.

"Captain?"

"It's Goren,"

Eames suddenly felt a sense of dread sweep through her. She hadn't heard from her partner since the day she tracked him down and "ran into him" at the diner. Something was wrong. She could feel it.

"Is he ok?" She asked the obvious question while mentally kicking herself. _If he was ok Ross wouldn't be staring at his shoes Alex._

"He was working undercover and the team that busted the club didn't know." Ross said, raising his gaze back to his female detective.

"What hospital?" She asked jumping up and pushing aside the fact that he had been placed undercover without her knowledge.

"Uh…St. John's."

She nodded as she quickly scanned her desk. _Think Alex… jacket, keys, badge, phone…_

She was halfway across the bullpen before Ross called out her name again. She quickly turned towards him, hoping that maybe it was all a mistake. That it was all a joke. But the look on his face told her it wasn't.

"Just to warn you…it doesn't look good." He said shaking his head.

She took a deep breath then took off through the bullpen, bypassing the elevator for the stairs. She didn't have time to wait. She needed to get to him **now**.

--

Within a matter of minutes Eames was pulling into the hospital parking lot. Jumping out of the car she ran into the ER's main lobby, scanning the room for someone who could help her.

"I'm looking for Robert Goren," She said once she had found a nurse.

"Are you a family member?" The nurse asked as she typed Bobby's name into the computer.

"I'm his partner," She flashed her badge. "And his medical contact."

The nurse nodded. "Unfortunately all I know is Mr. Goren was shot in the chest and rushed straight into surgery."

Eames rubbed her face with a shaky hand. "How long has he been in surgery?"

"About half an hour," Eames gave a heavy sigh. "I can promise you detective, when we hear something you'll be the first to know." The nurse gave her a sympathetic look.

Eames nodded her head. "Thank you," She slowly turned and made her way to a chair in the waiting room. Lowering herself down into it she pulled out her cell phone. "It's Alex...Goren's been hurt..."  
--

**A.N. Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**If It Wasn't Me  
**

**  
**_"It's Alex...Goren's been hurt..."_

--

She had been sitting hunched over in a chair for what felt like hours. Glancing down at her watch she discovered that she had only been in the waiting room for twenty minutes. She had just closed her eyes again when a voice resonated through the room.

"Alex!" She looked up to see Deakins making his way towards her. She stood and let out a breath as he gave her a hug. "Anything?"

She shook her head. "And he's been in there for close to an hour." Her voice was quiet. It almost scared her to think of what she must look like to her former superior.

"Tell me what happened," Deakins said as they sat down. He watched as his former detective wrung her hands together. She looked so lost without Goren by her side. Somewhere in the back of his mind he always knew a day like this would come, the day when they were parted. He had just hoped it wouldn't be this soon.

"I don't know…Ross said he was undercover at the club that was connected to the murder we were investigating. Apparently the team that went in didn't know and they…they shot him." The last few words came out in a low whisper. She was still trying to understand why someone hadn't been told and what had happened to provoke them to fire.

"You didn't know he was undercover?"

She shook her head. "No. I talked to him a few days ago but we didn't talk very long. He looked nervous. He…he didn't seem too happy to see me." She choked the last sentence out and tried to tell herself that it wasn't true, that she was just looking too far into things.

"He probably knew it wasn't safe to talk to you," Deakins said gently. "He knows how those operations work."

"Why would he do this?" She asked, tears beginning to fill her eyes. "Why would he go undercover and not _tell _me? He knows how I feel about undercover operations…" She trailed off thinking of her late husband.

"You don't know whose idea it was?"

She shook her head. "No."

Deakins looked around the room. "Is your Captain not here?"

"No, he's at the precinct."

"I'm going to make a phone call, will you be ok?"

She nodded her head silently. As Deakins walked off she leaned into her knees. She had never been one to rely on religion. In her line of work religion wasn't a guarantee that you would come home. You had to rely on your instincts and your partner. But with her partner currently under the knife, her instincts told her that now was the time to fall back on the religion card. So she closed her eyes and silently began to pray.

_Don't let him die…**please** don't let him die._

--

_"It's a request for a new partner, but I **withdrew** my request!"_

_"Please…read the highlighted passage."_

_She gave the attorney a look before beginning to read the words that nearly ripped her heart to pieces. "Detective Goren's erratic and anti-social behavior…his volatile and bizarre interrogation techniques leave me to have serious doubts about his judgment and mental stability…I wanna explain!"_

"Eames," A hand on her shoulder woke her from her nightmare. She sat up, breathing deeply and trying to get her bearings.

_Hospital…Bobby…_ She thought as her nightmare in the form of a flashback vanished from her mind.

Once she looked up she found Ross standing before her. "Captain," She said standing as quickly as she could.

"You alright?"

"Bad dream," She said quietly. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. Deakins called me." Ross's face showed that he wasn't happy with the fact the former Captain was meddling.

"I didn't…"

"I know," Ross said gently. "He's just worried. About both of you." Eames nodded. Looking around she noticed there were more people in the room than there were when she had fallen asleep.

There were several officers from their precinct, as well as others from surrounding areas. She felt a small part of her swell with pride. Even though he was known on the force as the "wack job" everyone was here because he was a fellow officer, a uniformed brother. The force was like a family and when someone in your family was hurt, no matter how much you disliked them, you supported them.

Deakins was making his way over to them with Logan and Wheeler trailing behind. Wheeler took her unofficial spot next to Ross while Logan came to stand next to Eames.

"How you holding up Alex?" Logan asked his voice full of concern.

"I've been better," She muttered and Logan nodded.

"He's a fighter," Wheeler said, trying to offer her co-worker comfort.

"And he's stubborn," Logan added. "He won't go down without a fight."

Eames unconsciously slid her hands around her stomach. "I hope you're right."

"Detective Eames?" Everyone turned to look and Eames felt as if she was going to faint when she saw the owner of the voice. A doctor, dressed in dark blue scrubs and a tired face, stood before them.

"I'm Detective Eames," Eames said making her way towards the doctor. Ross followed and after telling him he was the Captain, the doctor nodded. Eames swallowed the lump in her throat. "How is he?"

"Well, we got the bullet. But it did more damage than we initially thought. It seems the bullet clipped Detective Goren's heart. We've been attempting to repair the hole but,"

"Attempting? Does that mean you can't fix it?" Eames snapped and Ross placed a hand on her arm.

"We can, but it's taking awhile. The hole is in a position where it's very difficult to reach." The doctor sighed and rubbed his face. Eames felt her stomach drop. That was never a good sign. "The thing is if we don't fix this hole within the next few hours, he'll bleed out."

"Can't you give him blood?" Ross asked.

The doctor nodded. "We can, but he's starting to lose it faster than we can put it in. We've decided to put him on bypass, to buy us more time. This is why I needed to speak to you." He nodded at Eames. "You're his medical proxy, are you not?"

"I am," She said softly.

"Do you know his medical wishes?"

"He…um…he always said he didn't want to be left on a machine." Her voice came out in a whisper and she could hear Deakins and Logan moving closer.

"Are his wishes documented?"

She shook her head. "No. The only thing that is…is how he wants to be taken care of should he die." It was getting harder for her to talk and the doctor could tell.

"Ok. Because of that, if anything should happen, it will be up to you to decide what we do." Eames nodded. "This means you could go against his wishes if you desire in order to attempt to keep him alive longer." Eames nodded again. Tears began to fill her eyes and she felt Deakins slide a hand onto her shoulder. "I need to get back. I'm sorry for your situation, but I can promise you, we're doing all we can."

Ross thanked the doctor, who had just turned around when Eames suddenly found her voice. "Doctor," After he turned to face her she cleared her throat. "If…if I was to keep him on any machine…would…that allow me to say goodbye to him?"

The doctor gave her a sad look. "If he regains conciseness, yes." Eames nodded and watched the doctor make his way through the doors to the surgery room.

--

**A.N. If the medical stuff doesn't seem right, I'm sorry. I'm not a doctor. I'm stuck on where to go from here, so thoughts/encouragement would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**If It Wasn't Me  
**

**  
**After the doctor had left Eames had retreated back to her chair. She had sat by herself for several minutes before Wheeler joined her. She didn't say anything, didn't move to touch her in a reassuring way. She just simply sat, allowing her presence to tell Eames that she was there.

Logan had ventured off, muttering something about coffee. He had returned with two cups, one for Wheeler and one for her, but none for himself. Wheeler took hers with a smile. Eames had set hers on the ground by her feet, where it sat untouched.

Deakins was wandering around the room and Ross was currently on the phone. Eames hoped he was trying to figure out how this had happened. How a Major Case detective had been shot.

She had taken her badge out of her pocket and was fingering it. Eight years as a detective. Eight years as Robert Goren's partner. No one had thought she'd last as long as she had. Besides the resignation letter she had once written, the thought of leaving him had never crossed her mind. Sure he was unorthodox. He was difficult and at times ADD, but they worked well together. They complimented one another. There was no better team in Major Case. If he was gone…

She shook her head. _Don't think like that Alex. You have to stay positive._

"I never told him I loved him," She suddenly whispered. Next to her Wheeler silently put her cup of coffee on the ground.

"Alex,"

"8 years." She continued her voice still low. _Logan doesn't need to hear this._ She thought. "Partners for 8 years and it takes his life being on the line for me to realize how much I care about him."

Wheeler silently slid her hand onto her co-workers arm and squeezed it reassuringly.

"What if I don't get to say goodbye?" She asked, her eyes still on her badge. "Or what if I _have_ to say goodbye?" She turned to Wheeler. "What if…what if I have to tell him I love him because I know he's not going to make it?"

Wheeler didn't have an answer. This wasn't like a case, where you could easily reassure the loved ones that everything was going to be ok, even if it wasn't. But you did it with ease because they were strangers. But this…this was a co-worker, a friend. A **partner**.

This situation wasn't something they had been trained to handle.

--

_He could hear voices. They were faint, far away and foreign. He didn't recognize any of them._

"_He's bleeding badly, we gotta step on it!" One of the voices yelled and he wondered what was going on._

_Forcing his eyes open he was greeted with the ceiling of what looked like an ambulance. There was also an oxygen mask on his face, forcing air into his lungs._

"_Detective, can you hear me?" A voice called and he blinked, wondering why he couldn't form words. Wondering why he was lying on his back._

_Suddenly it all came back to him. The club. The drugs. The gun._

"_Detective Goren…I need you to blink if you can hear me." A voice said from above his head. He slowly closed and opened his eyes. "Ok, good. We're gonna take care of you Detective. It's gonna be ok."_

Eames is gonna kill me._ He thought. _Oh no…Eames.

_His tongue began moving, trying to force words out of his mouth. But the sound was muffled by the oxygen mask. He tired again and was relieved when a hand reached down to move the mask._

"_Detective?"_

"_Eames,"_

"_Wha'd he say?" A second voice asked._

"_He said a name. Can you repeat that Detective?"_

"_Eames," This time he gave a cough and the mask was slipped back over his face. He felt a hand on his shoulder._

"_Is that your partner Detective?" He slowly nodded his head, cursing silently when he felt a surge of pain fly through his chest. "Major Case, Detective?" He nodded again wondering how the person knew his name and what department he worked for._

"_Josh! Call the Major Case squad! Tell them they need to contact a Detective Eames." He heard another voice speaking softly on what he assumed was a cell phone._

_Suddenly he felt his chest tighten and his airway start to close. "Shit he's crashing!" Someone yelled. "Step on it damnit, we're losing him! Detective Goren, stay with us! You need to stay with us Detective!"_

_His last thoughts were of his blonde partner before the darkness once again over took his body._

Forgive me Eames…

--

**A.N.** Kinda short, but I didn't want anyone thinking I ran off. More soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N. **Sorry it's been so long yall…the real world and writers block do not mix well. Hopefully this will reassure those of you still interested that I'm in still here. Thanks for reading!

**--**

**If It Wasn't Me**

It's been said that when the body is in a severely stressful and life threatening state that the brain takes over. People begin to see moments in time; past and present. Some even see the future. Revisiting memories or causing hallucinations is the brain's way of taking control of the body. Some people would go so far as to say that it's the brain's way of telling the soul of the person in danger that they need to fight or they will no longer have a life to live.

Memories are one of the strongest functions the brain can push out, and memories hold a great deal of emotion. Memories from the past cause the person to reflect. Memories from the present can bring about terror or happiness. But it's memories from the future that are the strongest. Seeing what might happen due to your passing is one of the greatest motivators for a person's soul to fight to live. Especially when you know that the person you care for the most will be the greatest affected.

--

Goren slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times, attempting to gain his bearings. Once his vision cleared he realized he was in a cemetery. He felt his stomach knot up as he looked across the way to a funeral taking place.

"It's yours," A foreign voice spoke and Bobby spun around. A man in his late 30's stood before him. He was about a foot shorter than Bobby with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He also looked oddly familiar.

"You're…" Bobby's sentence trailed off.

"Joe," The man said nodding.

"Where are we?" Bobby asked, turning back to the funeral. "Am I dead?"

"Not yet,"

"Yet?" Bobby turned back to Joe.

"Right now you're on the operating table with a hole in your heart." Hearing this Bobby reached up to rub his chest. "But to answer your question, we're in the future. This is what will happen if you die." Joe began to walk. Noticing Bobby wasn't behind him, he turned. "Come on Goren." He said jerking his head. "You need to see this."

The two slowly made their way across the cemetery. The closer they got, the tighter Bobby's stomach became. Joe stopped a few feet away from the ceremony. Bobby didn't have to scan the crowd for very long to find his partner. She was in the front row, dressed in her service blues. The part that shocked him however was the fact that she was clinging to her Father. Mr. Eames stood next to his daughter, also in his uniform. As the preacher closed his bible Mr. Eames wrapped his arm around his daughter, pulling her tighter. Bobby knew what was coming. The gun salute. Cops normally didn't have a gun salute, but having been in the military, Bobby would. As the guns went off, Eames jumped slightly and gripped her father's arm tighter. Once it was over everyone watched as she laid a red rose on his casket. Her Father then led her down the row of officers, all of whom saluted, followed by Ross, Logan and Wheeler.

"Tough stuff," Joe said. For a moment Bobby had forgotten that he was next to him. "Alex was never a crier. My funeral? She was a wreak. Could barley get out of the car."

"You were her husband." Bobby whispered.

"Yeah…but we didn't have as strong of a connection as you two do." He said and Bobby looked at him. "Don't worry man, I don't hate you. You've been good to her. You've taken care of her over the years."

"She's my best friend," Bobby whispered. He turned to Joe. "Am I gonna die? I can't abandon her…"

Joe shrugged. "It's not up to me man. But right now, you've gotta go back."

"Back?" Bobby had just spoken when he felt a sudden pain his chest. The pain was so strong it knocked him to the ground. He could hear Joe saying something, but he couldn't tell what. Within a matter of seconds everything once again faded to black.

--

"He's crashing!"

"He's losing more blood! We've gotta fix this hole!"

The operating room had turned into absolute chaos. After the doctor spoke to Eames he had quickly made his way back to his patient. The remaining doctors and nurses had been able to move his heart so that they could begin operating. Everything had been going well when the suture had suddenly split and the heart had re-opened. Now the doctors frantically worked to keep blood in Bobby's system.

"I don't think he's gonna make it," One of the assisting doctors said as the head doctor threaded the needle through Bobby's heart.

"It's not our call," He said. "It's up to him." He looked at his patient as he continued sewing. "Come on Bobby, hang in there!"

"He's not gonna make it Mark! Even if you get that suture closed, who knows if it'll hold!"

"Everyone just shut up!" The head doctor yelled. "I made a promise to his partner," He muttered. "I made a promise."

--

**A.N.** Once again, I'm not a doctor. Please review!


End file.
